Out of My Head

So there I was this morning, running. Unbelievably in the moment. I could feel my body beneath me, feeling its true power for the first time. I could feel the movement of my legs, the energy of the muscles driving the movement. There was no frustration, no pain. I was actually enjoying it. Fascinated by what I never dreamed I could do, let alone enjoy….

I heard the percussion of my feet hitting the ground. I felt the smooth fluid movement of my knees as they alternated their lifting and driving duties between themselves. I felt my muscles flexing and releasing. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. Right… Independent, but working in perfect union.

I began this journey a couple months ago. Never dreaming I would have the tenacity or desire to stick with it. But today I realized that it, this running thing, has become a part of who I am. I am, at least in the wee hours of the morning, a runner. Today’s moment of unbelievable clarity was a revelation. If only for a few moments, my body spoke to me of its needs. The brain and all of its excuses of not enough time, or who are you kidding you aren’t made for running, did not interfere.

I was able to get totally out of my head, and into my body. They talk about out of body experiences, well this was just the opposite, an Into Body experience. Not something I was consciously trying to do, but my awareness shifted away from the constant babble in my head to the actions and movements within the rest of my body. I was aware of nothing but the fluid movement of my bits and pieces. I was in awe of what only a few months ago I never would have considered a possibility.

A 50 year old woman who has never run just for the sake of running, well not never, I tried sports in jr. high and realized I was “not an athletic person”. Between then and this morning I had never questioned that foolish adolescent belief. I just held in my heart as fact that I would never be a runner. There were plenty of excuses, most of which stemmed from that early foray into athletics.

This questioning of beliefs isn’t really new to me. I have been at it for a few years now. I realized pretty late in life that just because we were indoctrinated, or came to the belief that something was fact in our young lives does not in any way mean that it is true.

Life is about growing as a person. For me, at this stage in my life, most of my growing comes from testing my long held beliefs and proving to myself that they are wrong and that anything is possible.

Three months ago walking was my idea of exercise. Today my running shoes fall only behind my husband and my dogs in level of importance. I am not a morning person, but I now wake up an hour earlier than necessary (5:00am 😩 ) so I have time to get my run done before I start the rest of the day. It has become sacred me time. Time to savor being alive and healthy. I am hoping there will be many running shoes in my future, but for now I am taking it one run at a time!